| The "cost" of being Jewish in America today is | | | | sponsoring a kiddush in your synagogue one |
| staggering - day school or religious school, | | | | Shabbat. Large synagogues often put out a |
| synagogue membership, kosher food, elaborate | | | | spread after services in any case-check with your |
| and expensive meals every Friday night and | | | | events coordinator to see if they're willing to |
| Saturday lunch... the list goes on. To make | | | | accept a donation, beef up the spread a bit, and |
| matters worse, funding sources that traditionally | | | | make an announcement that the kiddush was |
| subsidized some of these expenses have all but | | | | sponsored in honor of your event. Both your |
| disappeared. | | | | work friends and your fellow synagogue |
| One woman laments-"There's nowhere left to cut. | | | | members will appreciate the gestures and may |
| We've even been turning down invitations to | | | | even feel relieved that they can share in your joy |
| weddings and bat mitzvahs, because we felt that | | | | without feeling obligated to bring a gift. |
| we could give a more modest gift if we don't | | | | Gift Giving that Won't Put You in the Red |
| attend. But my daughter's friends are starting to | | | | This issue is a no-brainer. Instead of writing a |
| become bat mitzvahed over the next year. In | | | | check, bring a gift. For much less than the amount |
| addition to the expenses we're going to have for | | | | that you would feel obligated to give, you can find |
| her event, we've got to come up with gifts for all | | | | something special and meaningful. For weddings, |
| the girls in her class. She won't give up going, and | | | | the possibilities are endless-Shabbat candle holders |
| we can't send her with less than a $50 check." | | | | with a matching Kiddush cup, a handmade |
| There's not much to be done about the current | | | | mezuzah, or a Hebrew blessing for the home to |
| economical situation, or about the high tuitions and | | | | hang on the wall. If you like the idea of giving |
| cost of groceries. But there are creative solutions | | | | Judaica, but are not 100% comfortable with |
| to cutting the cost of your Shabbat and holiday | | | | assuming that the couple will use it or enjoy |
| meals, your events, and even your gift giving. | | | | it-consider a piece of handmade art that was |
| Hosting Doesn't Have to Include Brisket | | | | created in Israel. The folk art of Israel often |
| The key to a Shabbat meal is to make it | | | | incorporates Jewish symbols, such as |
| different, special. Think of your least costly menu | | | | pomegranates, which give the piece a Judaic |
| and jazz it up in ways that won't cost you. Start | | | | flavor but not necessarily a religious one. Israel |
| with the table cloth and place settings. Go all out | | | | has many innovative artists who work in media |
| with pieces that you already own-set each place | | | | that is fresh and interesting, such as recycled |
| with a water goblet and a wine glass, and even a | | | | newspaper. The couple will probably appreciate |
| mini Kiddush cup. Fold your cloth napkins in a flat | | | | the connection to Israel, and if they don't, they'll |
| rectangle in the center of each plate, slightly | | | | certainly appreciate the original piece of art with |
| hanging off the table, and lay a single flower or a | | | | which to start their marital collection. |
| sprig of fresh herbs diagonally across. Use lots of | | | | Bar Mitzvah gifts can be a little more |
| silver, white, and clear class, and light a few tea | | | | difficult-books are a nice choice, but the bar |
| lights around the dining room just before you light | | | | mitzvahs are often presented with one or two as |
| the Shabbat candles. Now back to your menu-let's | | | | part of their ceremony, so you should be careful |
| say you chose veggie lasagna. Cheap and lots of | | | | not to go for the obvious choices. There are |
| it, right? Now add a simple lettuce salad sprinkled | | | | many modern books of questions and answers |
| with something a little more exotic-toasted pine | | | | about Judaism, books on the establishment of the |
| nuts or pomegranate seeds. Add a tomato salad | | | | state of Israel or the heroism of the Six Day |
| with sliced mozzarella and fresh basil leaves, and | | | | War-try and think of a topic that relates to the |
| all you need is dessert. Whatever you prepare (or | | | | boy's interests. A set of knitted or suede (and |
| unwrap!), serve it in your nicest champagne | | | | now eco-friendly suede) kippot (yalmulkes) is a |
| glasses for instant panache. Your lasagna has just | | | | nice option-Jewish men say you can't have too |
| become your little black dress-instead of going | | | | many. |
| from office to cocktail party, it's gone from | | | | Shabbat candlesticks make great Bat Mitzvah |
| weekday to Shabbat-with just a few accessories. | | | | gifts, as do almost any other Judaic items. Stay |
| Holidays can be trickier; the crowds are bigger | | | | away from the heavy silver stuff (she probably |
| and the meals are even more elaborate. And of | | | | got enough of that from her Bubbe) and think |
| course, the food traditions are even more | | | | young and hip-ceramic or even glass has a less |
| important to uphold. The trick here is to try and | | | | traditional feel than silver, and an interesting pair |
| make small amounts of several different dishes. | | | | of candlesticks will look great in her room now, |
| For example, if you'd like to have an expensive | | | | even if she doesn't actually start lighting them for |
| roast for a main course, don't try and make | | | | another ten years. Jewelry is another |
| three of them and feed all thirty guests. Consider | | | | can't-go-wrong option, and the selection is endless. |
| preparing one roast that could serve ten or | | | | You don't necessarily have to go for a Star of |
| twelve, add a more economical chicken dish for | | | | David pendant-think about a hamsah, or a |
| ten, and then a fish or vegetarian dish. Your mom | | | | pomegranate, or maybe a kabbalistic charm. |
| will be happy that you served her roast, and | | | | Kabbalah jewelry is still all the rage. Jewelry |
| everyone else will appreciate the variety and | | | | designer Maayan Pariente makes pendant |
| marvel at your wide repertoire of cooking skills. | | | | necklaces with charms adorned with |
| Event Planning on a Budget | | | | beautifully-appropriate sentiments for a |
| When planning a brit milah or baby naming, bar or | | | | 13-year-old girl, such as the kabbalistic letter |
| bat mitzvah, or even a wedding, only you can | | | | combinations for "unconditional love", "marvel", or |
| judge what is realistic to spend given your budget, | | | | "purity". If you're concerned that she'll get a lot of |
| your wishes, and what is acceptable in your | | | | Judaic jewelry, consider a non-Judaic piece made |
| community. Peer pressure can be tremendous in | | | | by an Israeli artist-there are plenty of great |
| these situations, and in the case of parents | | | | options, some for under $30-try Dikla Meri for a |
| hosting events in honor of their children, cutting | | | | wide range of styles. |
| back on expenses can feel wrong and selfish. But | | | | Bar and Bat Mitvah celebrations are often tied to |
| hosts often overspend to the point that they no | | | | a tikkun olam project (literally, a project that |
| longer get any joy out of the event, or worse, | | | | "repairs the world"). In preparation of their ritual |
| wind up resenting the guests or even their own | | | | coming of age ceremonies, kids often embark on |
| children who they were trying to please in the | | | | year-long efforts to collect donations for |
| first place. The secret to planning a meaningful | | | | charitable organizations, or raise awareness about |
| celebration is to focus on the meaning. While it's | | | | issues they find important. Making a donation to |
| true that an exclusive setting and fancy catering | | | | the respective cause in honor of the bar or bat |
| service can make a party unforgettable, so can | | | | mitzvah is always a special gift. You are of course |
| heartfelt speeches, ceremonies to honor | | | | not only contributing to the cause, but to the bar |
| deceased relatives, and well-thought-out charity | | | | or bat mitzvah's path toward his or her adult |
| projects tied to the event. If you still feel that | | | | responsibilities as a Jew. In most cases the |
| you really want all of the best of the best at | | | | amount of your donation is not revealed to the |
| your event, think about keeping the guest list | | | | honoree, and you should give at level on which |
| small. The intimacy at the party will add to the | | | | you feel able and comfortable. |
| classy atmosphere, and you can plan several | | | | No one said that living a Jewish life is easy, but a |
| smaller or more modest celebrations for the | | | | few creative decisions can help make it at least |
| guests you don't invite-perhaps catering a casual | | | | slightly less expensive, and perhaps even a bit |
| breakfast or toast for your work friends and | | | | more meaningful. |